@MeMyselfAndMyBeard

I have to live on minimum living wage for 5 years, what to do with dating life?

Hi, I (38M) lost my programming job (due to a manic period because I'm bipolar) and now I'm drowning in $100 000 in debts (due to former gambling addict). I have no other choice than to apply for debt settlement with The Swedish Enforcement Authority ("Kronofogden") and will have to live on bare minimum living wage for the next 5 years (accommodation paid and $620 for living expenses). My expenses will rougly be:

Housing (rent + electricity + internet): $1140

Food & groceries: $200

Transport (subway card): $100

Fitness & health (Gym membership): $30

Mobile & subscriptions: $40

Miscellaneous / entertainment: ~$250

Total: $1760

I'm a programmer so I earn quite well (~$4000 a month) but The Swedish Enforcement Authority will take anything above $1760 from my salary and put it into debt payments. My hobbies are krav maga, social dancing (WCS), gym and I'm learning to make music with Ableton (with hopes of becoming a music producer one day). My dating life right now is pretty bad, though I can get dates from Tinder (I have quite good facial looks - I'm probably a 6.5 - 7). I'm a bit overweight (178 cm/5'10, 92kg/202lbs, BMI 29) so if I got in shape I'd probably get more dates. I've just started learning daygaming (with the help of Nick Krauser's book) but no luck there yet.

As you can see I will only have ~$250 a month for "fun activities". Is this enough for dating? What should be my focus these upcoming 5 years? Just getting hookups through Tinder/daygame because a relationship is more costly? Or find a frugal girlfriend who is happy with just Netflix dates? I want children one day, but not until my debts are paid, so not until I'm probably at least 43. What are your thoughts?

Mainly that you should consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

Given your age, if you don't limit yourself to other Scandinavian females, you should be able to do well for yourself in the dating game. If you're a divorced father, you could even bump yourself up to a solid 7 or 8 thanks to pre-selection working in your favor with relationship seeking females.

Thankfully I'm not a Scandinavian and being as you're already middle aged I think it's more likely that you already know what you want to do with yourself, but need encouragement in charting your path. To that end, it may help for you to get yourself two sheets of paper, a pen, and do the following.

On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general starting with what you've shared with us. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest task, to the most complicated.

When you're done with the second list, keep it someplace you won't forget. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, resume, or start over. Best of luck to you.

@PepeBull

My wife doesn’t love me anymore. What do I do?

I’m 33 and my wife is 32. We met in college. We were both virgins when we met. We have been married for 6 years, and we have a kid together and another one on the way (she is due any day now).

She used to be madly in love with me for the first few years of our relationship. Super affectionate, wrote me love letters, cuddly, etc.

Then we drifted apart as life got more stressful and bad things happened. She lost her father unexpectedly, I was chronically overworked and stressed by medical school and being a doctor. She resented that I was addicted to weed and porn (I have since quit both)…

We argued more and more. Resentment built up. She had a medical issue that made sex painful for her for a long time so we rarely had sex, and then she further lost sex drive after giving birth…

I developed an anger issue along the way while she became less and less affectionate. She would never say “I love you” unprompted or initiate hugs or kisses. She developed insomnia, which she blamed on me waking her at night, and eventually we just slept in separate rooms every night. We had some major fights.

It all came to a head four months ago when we had this one really big argument about money. Note that I am the sole breadwinner and money manager/investor (and have done quite well), while she is a stay at home mom. She grew concerned over how much I was investing and she worried that our joint account was running too low and we would run out of money for basic needs, so she opened up a personal checking account and withdrew a few thousand dollars into it from our joint account. I got really upset and demanded she put the money back. I yelled a lot and kicked a door. We cooled off (or so I thought)…but then police arrived later that night and arrested me, as she had secretly called the cops. This was the third time she had called the cops on me during arguments but it was the first time that they arrested me. She says she didn’t intend for me to get arrested for what it’s worth…

Shortly after my arrest, she filed a restraining order and filed for divorce.

I was completely devastated. I begged and pleaded with her, and ultimately she agreed to freeze (but not outright withdraw) the divorce and work on building back our relationship. She modified the restraining order to allow us to meet up, which we have been. She says she agrees to cancel the restraining order when the court date for it comes in 3 months. Meanwhile I have been going to therapy as mandated by the court.

It seems like we are working towards getting back together, but she refuses to frame it as us just having a really rough patch and working through it because we still love each other. When I ask her it she loves me, she says something like “I don't know if I will be able to love you again after all that has happened,” which is super depressing and frustrating to me. She says the marriage we had is dead and that we need to basically pretend like we are starting from scratch and dating each other to build trust and maybe love will come back…

What am I supposed to do in this situation? Feels like I am expected to audition for my own life. I feel powerless, hopeless, and humiliated.

What should I do?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo

Pause and take the time to seriously process the situation you're marriage is currently in, instead of reacting to it. Treat this like you're an intelligence agency director or military commander pulling together the resources needed to defeat a civil war-insurgency he was fully aware was developing, but previously disinterested, or too preoccupied with other more pressing concerns, to engage. You're not a doctor trying to save a dying patient here, or a mechanic trying to repair a totaled car, or even a knight trying to save a damsel in distress. You're gearing up to fight a war with an enemy who is vastly better prepared to destroy you.

Focus on restraining your anger by gathering as much tangible verifiable info as you can to inform yourself on the situation before you make any more decisions or take any further actions. Discern potential assets from enemies among your shared social circle and kin. Use that information to decide the who, what, when, where, how, and why you're willing to sacrifice assets to achieve your goal. If you're not doing so, check out married red pill, ask them questions, and consider reading the books they recommend.

If you haven't done so, ask your attorney if you reside in a one party consent state and hire a private investigator to help you get as much information as you can to thoroughly inform yourself on the situation. If you maintain an apartment close to work, away from your family home, use that as your base of operations where you keep and review any information you never want your wife to even be aware you're looking into or exists. Whenever you're at the family home and the wife gets you angry, immediately put on your shoes, coat, hat, and promptly retreat to that apartment. As law enforcement has been brought into this conflict, install call recording apps onto your mobile phones, print email transcripts to file, get digital recording tools for any landlines you use, purchase yourself a body cam, as well as internal car and home surveillance equipment. Be aware of circulating hearsay, but do not concern yourself with it until you've confirmed its being used against you. Document its use, and consult with your attorney to determine if its worth pursuing the other party over.

With what you've shared with us complete and total strangers about the chaotic last few years of the marriage, how you reacted to the things she said and did is perfectly understandable. I won't belittle, diminish, deride, or deny you your feelings, while she uses hers to justify and validate actions which undermine the marriage and endangers the household. Despite how things have developed, that you wish to salvage the relationship, and marriage, you have with your wife is admirable, but it's very unlikely that your relationship with her will return to what it was. Regardless of how this matter concludes, you two will only come to an understanding. What that understanding will be, I can't say, as your actions will decide that.

@First-light

arctotherium.substack.com/p/review-of-j-d-unwins-sex-and-culture

This is an extremely interesting analysis.

Unwin has a ftamework that combines the Right with the Left perspective: the Left corresponds, roughly, in "internal expansion", what used to be called progress, while the Right is at least open to "external expansion".

Under this schema, what passes as "the Left" in the West, in the past few decades, is really another name for right-wing policies. Humanitarian wars and neoliberal policies have nothing to do with what the Left stood up for.

In any case, what that framework offers is the view that women repurpose energy that could be used elsewhere, to be directly consumed by their vanity.

As far as I'm personally concerned, I'm in for internal expansion, and I'm against external expansion. Not because the later it's unrealistic, it might as well be very realistic. It has to do with my personal taste and my stubborn idea that I will inpose my will on the world.